Welp! I believe that the six months since my previous post, in December 2023, is the longest gap yet on this blog. I didn’t realize just how quickly the time was passing, but June (!) is upon us.
In fairness, these five months have been action packed. We began the year expecting to learn more about possible renovation options for our long-time home at 4525 16th Street N. We met with one delightful design build firm and one that was less of a fit. But questions multiplied and as the potential scope of the project — and budget — grew, my eyes wandered to nearby real estate listings. And by the end of April, we’d “moved house” to 1601 N. Stafford. Still within the Glebe school zone and just a block from the high school the kids will attend. Wow. We are still settling in, but the house is lovely, and we’ve been enjoying the new patio — and the spring weather — by dining al fresco.
Also difficult to believe that within months, Myles will be wrapping up his time at CCCC—Clarendon Childcare Center, our crunchy co-op preschool, housed in a slowly crumbling local church. The preschool feels like a time capsule, in ways—aging fixtures, dull linoleum, a scent that is vaguely similar the smell of the preschool that I attended as a child. Packed to the brim with wooden blocks, books, and sundry items that could perhaps become a component of a future craft projects. So a preschool that could plausibly be featured on a hoarding reality show but is also adept at hanging on to their wonderful, tight-knit start of teachers. At least one of our children has attended for the past five years. We weathered Covid here — heated debates about re-opening, masks v no masks, testing regimens, even a brief and disastrous stint of virtual preschool when Ellie was newly three. I co-chaired the community engagement board, we trekked to Potomac Vegetable Farm, we learned about mindful moments, the waving window, and balloon breaths. We came here for the sense of community and the quality of the teaching. And earning my co-op credits and pulling weeds on the playground on first Fridays made me crazy at times. The intensity of the co-op model has been a difficult fit as work encroaches on more of so many family’s lives in our modern era. But—I have no regrets. All of us found lasting friendships. We found like-minded people who were not simply dashing in and out anonymously at pick-up. The school focuses very intentionally on social emotional learning. Which is as it should be at age, regardless of which three year old neighbors may be cutting their teeth on Harry Potter. It may be particularly important in such an affluent, achievement-conscious community to emphasize running your own race, so to speak.
So. Myles is heading to Glebe for kindergarten in August! And Ellie will begin second grade. She has just weeks left of first grade with Ms. Van Hook, who eventually became a beloved teacher to our slow to warm kiddo. Nitin and I were quite grateful that Ellie had been placed in her class from the beginning. She was named Glebe’s teacher of the year this year, which was no surprise to us. She was warm, enthusiastic, engaging, thoughtful, organized, and such a keen observer of each individual kid. Ellie has had a pretty decent year. She may not quite have found a really steady friend crew yet, but she seems to play well with classmates and has been able to speak up in class more often as the year proceeds. She doesn’t exactly delight in school, but we are hoping that she feels even more comfortable as the years at Glebe continue. Ellie still loves art and has been burning through series of graphic novels. It’s exciting to see her so engaged with reading. She began guitar with me early this year, and that has been a struggle. She dislikes practicing and my sense is that becoming skilled requires more work than she expected. I’m reluctant to let her quit, but this is an age old parenting dilemma! She has also struggled with anxiety in new ways this year, causing chronic GI issues that we have not quite been able to crack yet. We’ve been to her pediatrician, and a pediatric gastroenterologist, undergone blood and stool testing, tried Miralax and a prescription medication that caused nightmares. She just began therapy again, with a new therapist, and this feels potentially promising.
I live with anxiety myself, of course—in fact, I’ve recently increased my dose of the SSRI I have been on for five years to manage an increase in symptoms. So I know that mental health is rarely set it and forget it. We need to try different tools in our toolboxes. We need to learn patience and compassion for ourselves. We have to expect and accept a certain amount of ebb and flow. But that is a tall bill even for adults who have coped with these tendencies for decades. I also requested permission to work from home 4 days per week, rather than 2 or 3, as an accommodation to help mitigate anxiety and panic symptoms. I struggled with that. I worried that I should force myself to live at the very limit of my conditions—to be as “capable” and “normal” as I can be. But so many years into my life—40, this year—I am experimenting with giving myself more space. And also framing this as—I am still a high capacity person. But I am needed in so many demanding ways—as a parent, a wife, a family member, a friend, a supervisor, an employee—that it makes sense to make space for mental health where I can. A long tangent about me, as it turns out. But I have also learned that in a family, the mental health of any of us often affects the entire family. So this is the right place to acknowledge that both Ellie and I have been brave and strong and lived in the middle place — waiting for some wrinkles to resolve — this spring. And I am proud of both of us for valuing our health and wellbeing. And understanding that those things do not dull the many ways we shine in life. A note that E and I share similarities but neither are we two peas in a pod. Speaking of running one’s own race!
Both kids continue to take swimming lessons. Ellie took a bike skills class this spring while Myles gave soccer a whirl, and loved it. Myles is a social butterfly, befriending kids at parks, museums, and in distant cities. He loves hanging with his mighty crew at school — the Colorful Sky Painter class. And he is delighted to attend playdates, birthday parties, or even to tag along when Ellie has friends visit. He is such a chatty guy that after twenty minutes of telling a parent at a playground about our lives, the dad—previously a stranger—asked Myles for his social security number!
The kids do squabble but at this stage, I believe they are also each other’s closest friend. I overheard Ellie telling Myles yesterday: “…and then I realized…I’m really lucky to have you.” They are usually pretty quick to apologize when they step on each other’s toes. They are good, sweet kids. And they bolster each other’s confidence in unfamiliar settings, like childcare at Nitin’s college reunion or riding the bus to school,
Which reminds me that I have neglected to summarize the travels of the past five months. We returned from a trip to San Diego on NYE, if memory serves correctly. An aside—my memory frequently does not serve at all these days! Nitin bopped around the globe for work plenty in the first half of 2024. The family visited a house between Shenandoah and Charlottesville for a few days during Ellie’s spring break in March. And we are, as I tap this out on my phone, returning from a visit to Boston for Nitin’s 20 year college reunion. Both were smooth, relatively low-key trips. We will head to Colorado Springs for a short jaunt in a couple of weeks. And then on to Europe—a trip that has caused me plenty of trepidation, mainly due to the flight. But I am making room for excitement and doing my best to take gentle care of myself. I will see where I am and how I am feeling as we move towards that date. And I will be relieved for a relatively quiet several months after July. Just a driving trip with the dogs in August and a visit to Chicago in October — plus likely a visit with the GW girls and a quick jaunt to the beach with Dylan and Angelica. We are still mulling on Christmas.
As our family rabbi shared years ago—this is a mixed life. But I know how fortunate we are to have so many blessings. Even with the hard parts. The stomach bugs. The panic attacks. The probable IBS diagnosis. The ways that stress can distract us from treating each other gently. The insomnia, worries about loved ones, and the numerous mundane papercuts in this life. All of it is, for us, so far outweighed by the weight of Zoe’s head on my feet at night. The scent of peonies, patter of rain, delicious thrill of a good book. And love if the heftiest counterweight. The comfort of a warm hug. Myles “nuzzling” my shirt with his nose. Ellie telling me casually, you know, I really love you.
I certainly omitted plenty. That is what six months does to one’s memory. Also this plane will soon be landing.
Quotes
M: [petting the dog with his palm, as directed] I’m trying to pet the dog with my handpits!
E: "I have a question. Is it true that girls can't have babies before they turn 18, or is it just not appropriate before then?"
E: Zoe, you’re perfect how you are. (Pause) I mean, it would be better if you were a vegetarian…
Poetry from Ellie:
How do you feel as you grow you will know
The duckling went to the beehive and sang a little jive
Myles called North Dakota North Cicada. He also thought we picked Ziggy up from Greenland, rather than Greensboro, NC.
