Day 279

Ellie is 39 weeks and 6 days old today! People ask me about how she is doing all the time. And I tell them, she is incredible, which is true. I tell them she is a wonderful, wonderful baby.  Our wonderful baby is inching closer toward walking in very tiny steps -- she cannot yet stand on her own, but she is experimenting with it for a second at a time. She cannot pull up by herself yet, but she often holds on with just one hand -- be still my heart!

She has boundless energy -- I sometimes refer to her as the other labradoodle.  She remains constantly on the move. She turns when we say her name, or no no, but she just gives me an enormous, knowing grin and then turns back to her destination and keeps crawling. Her destination is often an outlet or a room no one is in or a stairwell, of course.  She delights in pulling on strings and cords of all types -- from the innocuous strings that hang from my sweatshirt to the strangulation hazard blinds cords and any type of electrical cord, but preferably one that is plugged in.

She is a very happy girl, and she is showing more interest in books these days.  We have kept up with our nightly reading and we are making more trips to the library. We are also building and maintaining our little village of family, friends and community members.

I can see some of myself in her, I think, though that can be a dangerous game.  She is her own thing. We must be always ready to celebrate qualities in her that seem to have sprung out of nowhere.  And parents have to be so careful not to constrain their children by projecting their own ideas about themselves onto their children.  What I see though, is a strong person who is thrilled to be alive, with an array of equally strong feelings that all demand to be expressed.

Our challenges now are finding balance in our hectic lives and bringing our best selves to our family. I am so keenly aware of time spent away from Ellie, and I fantasize about a life that would give me more time with her. I cannot believe how quickly this first year has gone. Maybe that is one reason to table a bit of a time before adding a sibling -- more time to spend, more energy to invest, in both kids.  But it is a balance of many factors, of course.

As for our best selves, I just want to show up and be calm and kind and centered and steady everyday.  Some of those qualities can be challenging for me, but I keep trying.  I am not a particularly young mom, but Ellie and i are both growing up and growing into ourselves.

For now, I can report that our girl is healthy and happy and curious.  She is very attached to a small number of people and has some trouble separating from them.  She seems very comfortable with her Nani and I am grateful that she has spent this time soaking up so much extra love.  I am mindful that her next chapter will be upon us before we know it.  Here are some pictures from the last couple of weeks...

Fun with numbers...

This walking toy is ten percent useful, ninety percent terrifying!

Mommy went to a Mystics WNBA game and all I got was this light up bracelet!

We offered Ellie a refreshing slice of lemon, and the results were mixed.

So much more engaged with her toys recently, and this is one of her favorites.

I wore this apron one day just so Ellie could play with the strings.

Nine month old baby girl!! So grown up, not a tiny baby anymore.

Blueberries are a big hit but did you ever realize they stain everything they touch? I think it must be all of those antioxidants.

82nd percentile for height and weight!

Ellie was preparing to play her new fun game, which involves dropping toys onto stairwell from hallway.  Oops!

Final swim lesson! A young Katie Ladecky, basically.

I thought it might be fun to let Ellie feed herself some avocado mash.  She managed to encrust her entire face and eyebrows but it was worth it -- she obviously really enjoys making a mess, like any respectable baby.

The welcoming crew.

We only show our belly to our most trusted friends.

Ellie loved this shiny book -- she tilts it back and forth to watch it shimmer.

 Next up, Autumn: pumpkins, Halloween, leaf peeping, apple picking and sweater weather. Someday she may ask me what all the other seasons are for, and I'll tell her they are just to make sure that we do not take autunn for granted.

Day 264

Ellie is 37 weeks and five days old today! She has now spent more time in the world than time in gestation -- what surprises me is that it is almost even. It did not feel this way at the time, but now pregnancy feels so brief compared to the rich time we have spent with Ellie.  In 101 days, Ellie will be a year old, and it will be Thanksgiving.

Ellie is so enthusiastic -- eager to stand, to grab noses and chunks of hair, to squirm and rotate while getting her diaper changes or being held.  She makes a beeline for outlets and fireplaces and fluffy puppy tails.  Her squeals of delight and raucous laughter are so contagious -- I love being on the receiving end of a sweet smile that lets me know we are both in on the joke.

She has become an accomplished crawler and a third tooth, the first on top, had emerged.  We went on our first summer vacation was a family, to upstate New York, during which Ellie had her first cold and Ellie visited her first foreign country -- Canada.

Here are a few photos of the past few weeks...

We stopped in Princeton en route to NY and on the way back.  We snapped all of these photos on our first visit -- during which Ellie had her first cold.  We slept in the basement on a couch, to minimize disruption, and Ellie slept on my chest all night, in fits and starts.  That night was the worst of her cold, though the fever hung around for days.

This picture was taken at the top of Star Ridge, a short walk from the cabin we stayed in.  The view was beautiful and Ellie was all smiles.

Ellie spent many hours in her car seat, most of them sleeping or being entertained by music or a mommy who had frantically crawled into the backseat to feed her a bottle or play peekaboo.

The cottage we stayed at was lovely, and Ellie took all of her baths in the kitchen sink.  So long as ducky is along for the ride, about is well!

We took this photo on the wraparound deck at the cottage.  We spent much of our time at the cottage, cooking all of our meals at home and hanging out.  It was magical to spend so much uninterrupted time as a family.

Nitin lobbied for us to climb to the peak of Whiteface mountain after driving nearly to the top -- all four of us lumbered up a steep stone staircase, but I successfully pleaded for us to stop when the stairs turned to slabs of rock leaving to the summit!

We ventured up to Montreal for the day and grabbed lunch at a fancy vegetarian restaurant, walked an old stone pedestrian thoroughfare and stopped at a market for fresh vegetables.  We had to promise the customs official at the border that we would eat them for dinner that night!

I am surprised that we did not take more pictures!  When we returned, Ellie had another swimming lesson and we visited a vineyard and brewery over the weekend with friends.  It was difficult to return to work today for a number of reasons.  Most of all, after spending all of my time with Ellie for ten days, I missed my little girl so much, and the office did not seem to offer compelling reasons to be away from her.  I want to be present for all of the moments of her life.  I am so fortunate to have as much balance as I have, but I am still working on being at peace with the bargains I have made. They are required of all of us in some measure.