Day 123

Ellie is seventeen weeks and four days old today!  She is continuing to make progress on all of her new skills -- rolling over from tummy to back, assisted sitting, intentional toy grabbing and manipulation, bottle holding, and keeping track of who is in the room.  We have abandoned the hilarious experiment of sophisticated sleep training, and are back to feeding her on demand, offering nap time when she seems tired, and a new development, starting bedtime routine at seven so that in theory, she is sleeping by seven thirty. Shockingly, this routine has produced mixed results, but we are hopeful that she will once again eliminate the middle of the night feeding soon.  She is happiest when cuddling with us and loves to be sung to.  She is also more interested in books and happier on walks these days, which brilliantly coincides with the beginning of spring!  I am so smitten with this sweet, giggly baby that by the time I go to bed, a few hours after her, I already miss her, and I usually bend down to inhale the scent of her sweet head before bedtime.

But the transitions that are coming up quickly will force us a bit out of our cocoon very soon.  I will return to work on Tuesday and our pediatrician hinted that we may want to transition Ellie to her own room in the next couple of months.  I cried a bit at therapy this week as I finally paused to anticipate this transition.  I comfort myself with the thought that ok average, I'll only spent about 20 hours per week outside of the home.  I know many incredible mothers who also work full time.  And I return to the knowledge that there will be lots of adjustments that we make as parents -- whatever does not work for Ellie, we will change.  Raising her healthy, whole, happy and loved is the point of it all.  As a child, I dreamt not of a particular house, city, or career, but of being a mother.  My own mother quoted an accomplished women, I cannot remember who, who said that if you do not do that well, what does it matter what else you do?

I am so grateful that Ellie will have her Nani to dote on her while I am working.  I am so grateful that she is so well loved by her grandparents, uncles, aunt and cousin, as well as the extended "family" of dear friends that have been so supportive and thoughtful.  And I feel so fortunate that we live in a community that is friendly, with neighbors pausing to say hello to Ellie and Zoe, and hikers on trails stopping to chat.  There are so many resources for her just blocks away -- a beautiful library with frequent story hours a quick walk away, many parks, bakeries, toy stores, and all three of her schools within walking distance (we ran around the outdoor track at Ellie's high school yesterday, and I'm hoping to take her swimming there next weekend.) I am so grateful for all of this -- to have a safe, enriching community for Ellie to grow up in.  And part of my purpose in returning to work is my strong belief that every child should have the same -- safe playgrounds without broken glass or gang bangers, fully stocked libraries with comprehensive programming, and excellent, safe and diverse schools.  I'll try to keep that conviction in my back pocket while I am away from my little girl -- I have a feeling she will grow up to be a woman who will value the fight to protect vulnerable children.

Here are a few pictures from my last week of maternity leave...And here's to all of the wonderful memories ahead of us!

Ellie appeared to be having a sleepy day in her tea cup dress and sweater knit by Aunt Ellenmarie -- but minutes after this photo was taken, Ellie managed to catapult off of the couch while I was away for just a few seconds.  Truly horrifying and at the same time, stupefying -- we had no idea she was capable of such mobility! Lesson learned -- she can only be left on the floor, crib or pack n play.  I think in part that this a function of her never wanting me out of her sight -- I didn't realize she was capable of it because she is never so motivated to move as when I am not in front of her.  The pediatrician kindly told us her son had had a worse fall off the couch at the same age.  (And thank goodness, pronounced Ellie to be no worse for wear...)

The same morning, our little Zoe got a much needed haircut and a spiffy Paw Patrol bandana.

We took a number of wonderful walks this week, including this walk, which ended at our lovely library.  Ellie and I perused this exhibit on the Balkan displaced people.

We also had a lot of indoor time this week, some of which was spent on tummy time and trying on our many hats!

Ellie's four month birthday was Thursday! We had a busy day -- a photo shoot and another visit to the pediatrician in the morning, and a to my office and the National Sculpture Garden in the afternoon! Ellie weighs almost fourteen pounds -- percentile-wise, she is in the forties for weight and the sixties for height.

We also did some shopping and got Ellie some new clothes at Old Navy this week!

More walks, more play time...

And some play time with Daddy on Saturday, which was lovely and warm.  Not pictured: Ellie's first trip to Zoe's favourite dog park!

Today was much chillier, but we went for a family hike anyways. Daddy was the MVP, pushing Ellie's stroller on rough, uphill terrain!

Wish us luck on the upcoming transition!  We'll have a four day work week, another weekend, and then put first family road trip since adding Ellie to the family!

Day 117

Ellie is sixteen weeks and five days old today! She will visit the pediatrician for her four month appointment on Thursday -- which is also her four month birthday.  Next week, I'll return to work and Ellie will begin spending her days with her Nani.  Our first four months together have flown by and Ellie has so quickly and completely claimed our hearts.

I foolishly added the photos from most recent to let recent, so I'll have to provide the review of the week in reverse order!

Yesterday, we hosted ask of Ellie's PLACE baby friends and their parents for a belated St Patrick's Day celebration.  Ellie slept through most of the gathering, but she was awake later in the day for a visit to Kim, Judd and the boys for dinner.  Judd has the magic touch -- she slept soundly in his arms while I ate the delicious meal Judd had prepared!

On Saturday, Ellie began her day with a visit from Jeff and then we went for an invigorating family walk to Westover.  Ellie also spent some time in her increasingly beloved jumparoo -- she has become more enthusiastic about engaging with the buttons and gadgets lately.  She loves it right up to the moment at which she starts shouting for her release.  It is certainly understandable that she could feel overstimulated!

Most of the week was fairly chilly -- so we added fleece booties and hat and leggings to outfits!

On Thursday, we enjoyed a lot of play time -- check out her grip on those toys -- and a midafternoon snack with Uncle Dylan!

More play time!

And a snow day!

Day 109

Ellie is fifteen weeks and four days old today.  Nitin and I agree that more and more, we can see the wheels turning in that sweet fuzzy head of hers.  She is fascinated by images of herself in the mirror, and likes to bat her hand at that very familiar baby.  Naturally, it comes as a surprise when the baby turns out to feel like a hard surface!  She still enjoys singing and is at her most cheerful in the morning.  I notice her clearly scanning the room for me much more, and she notices very readily if a parent is staring at a device rather than her!

She is growing physically, too, closer and closer to sitting up without assistance, and fairly adept at sitting while propped up by her boppy pillow or another support.  Her physical therapist said at her appointment on Tuesday that her torticolis is resolving well and she may be army crawling soon!  She is so eager to get up and go, to sit upright and take everything in -- this will not be a child who waits while the world passes by.

I think more and more about what we can do to enrich her experiences, to provide security and stimulation, to teach her and support her.  I have fretted because I have so often abandoned or delayed my well intentioned ideas to spur my own development.  I worry that routines and structure, which children need so much, are not my strong suit.  But I believe that as a family, we can make habits and rituals to secure and buoy our most precious values.  We just need to know what those are, make our plans, and stick to them.

And we cannot try to do too much at once.  I do not fully know what the slow parenting movement is, but it sounds like a concept that I would find sensible.  What type of childhood should we provide?  I want to light up her world with music, swimming lessons, museums, puppet shows, exposure to different cultures and foods.  I want to give her the solid rock of an unshakable family as her foundation -- the unconditional love of her parents, the warm embrace of her grandparents, aunt, uncles, and cousin, the enduring friendship of a dog.  And I want her to feel a sense of belonging to her community -- church, school and other family friends -- that will allow her to safely discover herself and learn about others.  We want to give her lullabies and summer afternoons in the sticky grass of her own yard.

We will do our best, one day at a time! This week was lively, with visits from Ellie's Nani, physical therapy, and time spent with auntie Beth to celebrate her birthday! Along the way, we took a few pictures...

Return of the pacifier! Pacifiers are making a comeback and Ellie is sometimes able to hold them in her mouth with her hand.  She is improving at self soothing.  When a pacifier is not available, she will often suck on fingers instead!

Take a look at this giggling baby!  Maybe she gets a kick out of polka dots.

The weather was lovely earlier this week, and we spent time in the yard with Beth and Zoe!  We even wore our sun hats for the occasion.

After all that excitement, we were pretty wiped!  

The next day, it was chilly again and we spent the day indoors!  Ellie tried out some new moves on her activity mat.  She is so much more interested in the hanging toys than she was just a few weeks ago.

What a precious sweetheart.  Like all of us, she likes to begin the day by lounging in bed.

I have been reading up on many topics, but the topic of the week has been establishing a feeding and sleep routine.  The theory is that Ellie should have four feedings per day, two naps, and a twelve hour sleep stretch at night.  It sounds ambitious to me, but we are back to logging sleep and feeding.  It will benefit everyone to establish a routine, particularly with me returning to work soon.  Paradoxically, when everyone knows what to expect, we actually have more freedom to make plans. 

A big highlight of our week -- we took our plant-loving baby to the Botanic Garden downtown, and she was enthralled!  It was also lovely to experience the warm weather in the tropical room.  I suspect this will be the first of many visits.  Ellie was excited to explore by touching flowers and leaves, and the various fountains grabbed her attention.

This week, we may be getting a snowstorm, and Ellie will meet another Ellie -- my dear friend Elizabeth.  And next Saturday, Ellie will reunite with the PACE babies for a St Patrick's Day brunch on Sunday.  And by then, will we be well on our way to spring?

Day 101

I snapped this photograph just after Ellie and I woke up this morning, with the sun streaming in through the window behind us.  Mornings are actually her smiliest time, but it is difficult to capture because she is always skeptical of the phone or tablet I am using to document the moment.  She usually wakes us for the first time before I am willing to get out of bed.  So she joins me for the first meal of her day and then we often doze off again for a bit.

Nitin and I have been working our way through Friday Night Lights for the past couple of months.  In a recent episode, an exasperated teenaged daughter accuses her mother of subtly pressuring the daughter to apply to a college that had been the mother's dream school.  The mother tells the daughter she has it wrong -- she recalls the life she has had, meeting the daughter's father at the college she attended instead and she says gently, "I got my dream. You were my dream." 

When my day begins with Ellie's big eyes and lopsided smiles, snuggled next to me on a lazy Sunday morning, in the immortal words of Bob Marley, she makes me feel like a sweepstakes winner.  I got my dream.  It is a strange sensation, not to be waiting, and to savoring instead. 

I realize, of course, that my dream will have tears and uphill treks and -- shudder -- the teenage years in it.  All the more reason to savor now the smell of her head and the soft tufts of hair that now crown it.  Being her mother has made me fall a little bit more deeply in love with life itself -- as if I was showing off a new place to a visitor, I desperately want to impart the gentle beauty of pink hazy winter sunsets and the particular joy of lying by the fire while wind howls.  

And once again it is terrifying to love someone so much that if she were harmed in any real way, nothing could be okay again.  But it is well worth falling off that cliff.  

Day 99

Ellie is fourteen weeks and two days old today.  Our little love bug is such a joy to be around these days.  She gives her smiles generously in response to a smiling face and a chat with mom or dad.  She clearly relishs in these interactions as much as we do!  She also delights in her mobile and "sitting up" so that she can see what is going on.  She has been sleeping more than eight hours a night during the past few nights, and still is not an enthusiastic day napper.  We have noticed that she watches us so much more carefully now and when our attention is diverted, she will make efforts to try to reclaim it.  Ellie is also growing much stronger, and today she rolled over onto her back for the first time during tummy time!  We adore this little sweetheart.  It is perhaps time to begin sleep training our little night owl more seriously.  I must admit that I prefer to spend the evening cuddling with our sleeping baby, rather than putting her to sleep upstairs in the early evening and being without her until bedtime.  I know that we will need to help her fall asleep independently, for her own sake, so I am trying to soak in as much cuddling as I can.  I love the time I am able to spend with her now.  These early days cannot last forever, no matter what path a family chooses.  But I do trust that these sweet milestones will give way to other magical memories...

Nitin prepared a collage of hilarious outtakes from Ellie's three month pictures.

Ellie developed some self soothing skills this week -- she is sometimes content to suck on her two middle fingers!  She also has a chance to wear a summer dress in the unseasonably warm early spring weather.

Ellie spends some time hanging out with a giraffe.

Ellie enjoys one of her midmorning catnaps on our bed.

On another morning this week, Ellie woke up from her midmorning nap to enjoy a sunshower!